Dec. 7th, 2011 06:50 pm
ella_menno: (Default)
Breakfast: peaches and cream oatmeal
Lunch: half a steak sandwich; five cookies
Dinner: chicken/pasta salad; two cookies

Note to self: see how carb and sugar heavy your eating was today? THAT is the reason you're now feeling sluggish, mopey, and just generally not-good.

STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. You're much happier, content, active and fulfilled when you stay away from the sweets.

ella_menno: (life by emmavescence)
Does God care about religion?
ella_menno: (george by driving blind)
The kids don't have school today (teachers' convention), the weather is lousy, and one of them is still on the mend from the flu, so we're watching the LOTR trilogy back-to-back-to-back.

I'd kinda forgotten how much these movies are the Epic Saga of How Much Sam Loves Frodo. (It felt weird to put "Frodo" instead of "Dean" there, btw.)

So. How are you? Any interesting plans for Halloween? Cute pics of yourselves, your offspring, your pets, or your (other) I need to see?
ella_menno: (lament)
I am shaking very hard. It is difficult to type.

I spent a long time - years, really - searching for the "true" religion.

In the 8th grade, I was confirmed in the Lutheran church. During my interview with the pastor, I was asked why it was necessary to attend church services.

My answer? "It isn't."

I then explained that according to the religion as I understood it - as I had been taught by Sunday School teachers since before I entered kindergarten - what mattered was a person's personal relationship with Christ. That, to me, meant that there was no need, no requirement for a Christian (or, at least, one identifying as Lutheran) to attend services.

Given the pastor's reaction to my answer ("Of course you need to attend church!"), I thought that perhaps I'd better go looking for a religion that made some sense.

From ninth grade through my junior year of college, I studied churches and religions. Read about them, attended services offered by a variety of denominations. And then I studied some more.

After this time, after reading about the Reformation and the (many) reasons for it, I still came to the conclusion that the Catholic church was, truly, The Church Christ Established. The papacy was founded by Christ and Peter was the first Pope; all the moral laws, guidelines, requirements were in place for a reason. Granted, I personally might not understand the reasons: yet I was okay with that.

Again, to my way of thinking: as a parent, I tell my kids not to play in the street. It's a rule, and one I expect them to follow. When they get old enough, they'll understand why, the reason - but until they do, I simply expect them to obey the rule because I KNOW BETTER.

God is my Father; therefore, I will listen to him, even if I disagree with the rule. Which is overly simplified, but was the way I felt about God's authority.

And as I believe(d) that the Catholic church and its administration - the Pope, the Vatican, the bishops - were the true representatives, the human face of Christ on Earth, I obeyed their teachings. Even if one (or several, or many) of the Church's priests and bishops were wrong, or did wrong, or covered up for their brethren who did wrong, I still felt the institution itself - the Church - was right. That it was the "highest earthly authority in matters of faith, morality and Church governance."

I attended Mass. Matter of fact, I was at Mass on Friday (First Friday devotions, you know.) I work at a Catholic school. I send my three children to Catholic school.

And now there is this: A senior Vatican cleric has defended the excommunication of the mother and doctors of a nine-year-old girl who had an abortion in Brazil after being raped [by her stepfather].

Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, head of the Catholic church's Congregation for Bishops, told the daily La Stampa on Saturday that the twins the girl had been carrying had a right to live.

I can barely express how this makes me feel. Sick, physically sick. Hurt. Embarrassed. Stupid. Wrong. Betrayed. Violated.

Oh, and angry. Very, very angry.

How can I go to work tomorrow? How can I continue to send my babies to a school that is governed by these kinds of people?

How can I call myself Catholic anymore? And why - please, God, tell me why - would I want to?
ella_menno: (calvin)
Okay. I love traveling, and I love to visit my friends, and I LOVE taking a break from my RL, but.

I HATE the day-before jitters. (What if I bring the wrong kind of clothes, what if I don't bring enough clothes, what if I forget something, what if I lose something, what if the flight gets delayed, what if the flight gets cancelled, what if I get stuck in traffic and miss my flight, what if it's too cold, what if I'm on a plane with some person who's infected with a highly contagious case of Ebola or Lassa fever, what if everyone gets sick while I'm gone, what if my bag gets lost, what if my carry-on is too big, ad infinitum.)

*screams a little*
ella_menno: (calvin)
I am back from watching my sister graduate. As she said, she now has a piece of paper* which proves she is officially more edumacated than am I.

Apparently, I’m traveling to PA to watch the Stanley Cup on the 31st. Erm. That’s hockey, right?

So I missed some wank this weekend? I kind of want to know, but then again, maybe I’m better off staying uninformed.

You know, it’s not like it was tough to cross over SPN with Sandman before the finale, but now it seems all I can think about is different ways the universes could intersect. I would say that I want to write some of these, but that isn’t true: what I really want is to read them.
You don't have to stay anywhere forever. )


Feb. 27th, 2008 09:37 am
ella_menno: (time out)
I am so. damn. sick of being cold.
ella_menno: (life by emmavescence)
It’s over. It’s over, I tell myself firmly, and I try to make my heart resume its normal rhythm through sheer force of will.

This is stupid, pointless fretting, and I know it. The tornados have long since passed; the weather is clear, calm, peaceful. The thunderstorms we were told to expect haven’t even bothered to show up, like they’re ashamed to make an appearance after the raging and grandiose performance the twisters turned in.

It’s over, and now everything is safe. My children, my babies are here, safe, sprawled all over my bedroom floor. Each of them is asleep, and none of their faces are creased in fear anymore. I don’t have to look at them and lie to them, to have them ask me questions with their voices ("is the tornado going to come this way?”) and their eyes (“can you keep me safe?”) that I refuse to answer honestly - because the honest answer is “I don’t know.”

I hate lying to them. I try not to do it – but there are times it is the kindest, the most responsible thing to do. There are times that shielding them from the truth is the best way to love them. There are times, like today, when they need me to look at them and tell them “I will not let anything happen to you. It’s okay for you to be afraid; I will be brave for you. I will keep you safe.”

Because of course these are all pretty lies. Though I would fight, kill, die for them, I cannot protect them from everything. When it comes right down to it, there are precious few things from which I can protect them. I can lead them to shelter, but I cannot change the path of a storm.

And yet, this time, it passed. It passed us by, it left us untouched – physically, at least. When they wake up tomorrow, this will already have passed into the realm of memory. “Remember the time?” they’ll say. “Remember how scared we were?”

“Yes,” I’ll tell them. “I do remember.” I’ll remember all of it for them, and someday, when they’re old enough, I’ll share all of it with them.

But not tonight. Tonight they sleep soundly, gathered around me, and I take this moment to pause and breathe a prayer of thanks, that we’ve made it through yet another storm.

There are times you sit down to write, and there are times you sit down and words just flow through you. The above words were the second kind of writing.
ella_menno: (time out)

God gave us fingers - Ma says, "Use your fork."
God gave us voices - Ma says, "Don't scream."
Ma says eat broccoli, cereal and carrots.
But God gave us tasteys for maple ice cream.

God gave us fingers - Ma says, "Use your hanky."
God gave us puddles - Ma says, "Don't splash."
Ma says, "Be quiet, your father is sleeping."
But God gave us garbage can covers to crash.

God gave us fingers - Ma says, "Put your gloves on."
God gave us raindrops - Ma says, "Don't get wet."
Ma says be careful, and don't get too near to
Those strange lovely dogs that God gave us to pet.

God gave us fingers - Ma says, "Go wash 'em."
But God gave us coal bins and nice dirty bodies.
And I ain't too smart, but there's one thing for certain -
Either Ma's wrong or else God is.

--Shel Silverstein
ella_menno: (ronald mc evil)
1. Okay, so I understand why, when I Google "Jensen Ackles," I get "Jared Padalecki" listed as a related search. But why do I also get "Wentworth Miller"?

2. I have officially eaten pizza for three of my last four meals. Clearly, I fail at being an adult.

3. Is it wrong that my sole purpose for going shopping today is to procure frames in which to ensconce all my photos (INCLUDING THE SIGNED ONE) of Jensen and Jared from last weekend?

4. Maybe later on I'll post a list of all those Sandman-related ideas I was talking about yesterday. It's probably a good idea to have them all in one place.

5. Holy crap, I need to think about hauling that turkey (a/k/a "Birdzilla") out of the freezer pretty soon.

6. I'm feeling the itch to write something. Hmm. *thinky face* Perhaps post-bedtime.
ella_menno: (time out)
Smallest spent the better part of last week with the flu (fever, chills, cough, aches, sore throat).

She's better, but now Middle is suffering from the same bug/virus/crud.

Did I mention that I've been playing the role of "single parent" for seven of the past ten days?

*sigh* I really don't feel like making dinner tonight.


Oct. 2nd, 2007 01:19 am
ella_menno: (ozma)
I'm not exactly sure where all my time is going. How the bloody heck is it October already?

ella_menno: (dean and bobby by keb91)

Yeah, so, a little trouble with the connectivity earlier this week. Hmph.

Item the first: boring financial stuff. )

Item the second: not only did I miss Smallville’s season premiere on Thursday night – I didn’t even care about it. Really, the only thing I actually missed was talking to my girls during the commercials. [Which I would’ve done, had I
a) not been at a fundraiser;
2) remembered it was Thursday;
and/or D) received your voicemail prior to,oh, about an hour ago. Pfft.]

It’s kind of amazing to me when I remember a few years ago, how SV was, like, the Huge Fannish Love of My Life*, and now I’m not only not watching it, I’m not even trolling around online so that I can catch up with what happened. (Though I do gather that rumors of Spoilery! ) were greatly exaggerated, to which I have to say: wow. Could I be less surprised? *thinks* Nope; not really.)

Item the third: Mom and I joined an exercise program. Yay, us. Not that y'all really care, but I do have to mention this one teeny fact – on the information sheet we had to fill out before joining, the very last question was along the lines of “give two reasons you want to get into better shape.”

I don’t remember what I ACTUALLY wrote down, but I do know that my immediate impulse was to write down Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. Now you tell me – is that so wrong?

Erm. Maybe?

Item the fourth: I tend to jot down stuff in a variety of notebooks that end up scattered all over everywhere. Just found one that must’ve been stuck somewhere for a couple of months, ‘cause it has a bunch of ideas and such that were obviously sparked by AHBL ½, at the end of last season.

Here are a few:

- is a soul a “good” or a “service”? a piece of property? a state of being?

-in general, who is the legal owner of a soul? Who owns Dean’s soul right now?

- does the demon have the right and/or authority to purchase and/or barter for souls? For that matter, does Dean?

- what are the exact terms of the deal Dean made?

-what can invalidate a verbal contract of the type Dean made with the demon?

-what law, if any, is the contract subject to? Is there any higher authority that can be consulted if any part of the deal is in question?

Which reminds me, I would really love to read a story wherein the demon comes to collect and can’t (I know, you’re thinking there are a hundred of those already!) – except the reason the demon can’t take possession of Dean's soul is because it legally belongs to the Impala. *smiles*

Back to your weekends, people!
ella_menno: (fangirls! hide! by inmypants)
Yesterday was a prime example of my total and heartfelt dedication to providing myself with excellent nutrition.

BREAKFAST: One leftover piece of pear pie. (YAY!PIE!)
LUNCH: One and one-half tacos supremes.
DINNER: Half a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of gatorade.

[Poll #1007297]

two quotes

May. 30th, 2007 11:05 am
ella_menno: (books)
One: Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire

Two: I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. - Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Just because.

edited to correct the attribution
ella_menno: (Default)
I just updated my profile, if anyone is interested in taking a peek.

(Should I put in a picture of the dog?)

So. Not September yet, is it?
ella_menno: (blue pen)
(Which, first of all, how do they get off calling the show “Jimmy Kimmel Live” when the first thing you see is the little message on the bottom of the screen RECORDED EARLIER? I’m just sayin.)

The exciting lead-up to my viewage of the show )

And Jensen is finally on! )

Okay; now I’m really done. That’s my recap, for what it’s worth; now I’m gonna go read what everyone else thought (because surely I am not the only one who watched him.)

(Was I?)
ella_menno: (life by emmavescence)
Wow, so it only took me two and a half hours to get the printer and laptop to work together.

ella_menno: (safety pin)
Through a bizarre sequence of events, I ended up at a large sporting goods store shopping for cargo pants. I must've tried at least ten pairs of pants, none of which suited me, before I found a pair that a) fit 2) looked decent on me and d) was not the horrible color of baby poop.

So I step out of the fitting room wearing these miracle pants. I'm doing the little half-circling, looking-down-at-the-pants walk, and I say to the husband, "These kind of make me feel like Angelina Jolie."

He, poor thing, is obviously unsure as to whether this is a thumbs up or thumbs down reaction. So he wrinkles his brow and, in a very atypically hesitant voice, says, "Um - the 'having Brad Pitt's baby, saving the world' Angelina Jolie, or the 'making out with your brother, wearing a vial of blood around your neck' Angelina Jolie?"

ella_menno: (Default)
Last night, I had a nightmare; I think it was about my husband. I woke up, shook it off, and went back to sleep.

And had another nightmare, this time about my mom. Woke, shook, slept (lather, rinse, repeat?) - this time, it was about the kids.

The next one involved my sister.

And then a couple of friends.

Et cetera.

Tonight, I settled into bed at 10 PM. Within ten minutes, my pulse was racing, I was sweating, I felt queasy, and my brain was working so fast I could hardly process the thoughts as I was having them. Worst of all were the horrible things that kept showing up in my mind, things I don't even want to call "things I thought," because I don't want to claim ownership of them in any way. Terrifying, grotesque things - leering faces whose lips slowly melt away as they scream in horror. Other horrible things I don't even want to write out.

I have to think this is just pent-up anxiety about the last few weeks working its way out of my head. It has to be - it has to be. I can't be going crazy; I don't have the time.

I feel calmer now. Still afraid to sleep, though. Kind of sad, as sleeping is one of my favorite activities...or it was, anyway.


ella_menno: (Default)

December 2011

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