ella_menno: (calvin)
Okay. I love traveling, and I love to visit my friends, and I LOVE taking a break from my RL, but.

I HATE the day-before jitters. (What if I bring the wrong kind of clothes, what if I don't bring enough clothes, what if I forget something, what if I lose something, what if the flight gets delayed, what if the flight gets cancelled, what if I get stuck in traffic and miss my flight, what if it's too cold, what if I'm on a plane with some person who's infected with a highly contagious case of Ebola or Lassa fever, what if everyone gets sick while I'm gone, what if my bag gets lost, what if my carry-on is too big, ad infinitum.)

*screams a little*

two quotes

May. 30th, 2007 11:05 am
ella_menno: (books)
One: Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire

Two: I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it. - Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Just because.

edited to correct the attribution
ella_menno: (Default)
Last night, I had a nightmare; I think it was about my husband. I woke up, shook it off, and went back to sleep.

And had another nightmare, this time about my mom. Woke, shook, slept (lather, rinse, repeat?) - this time, it was about the kids.

The next one involved my sister.

And then a couple of friends.

Et cetera.

Tonight, I settled into bed at 10 PM. Within ten minutes, my pulse was racing, I was sweating, I felt queasy, and my brain was working so fast I could hardly process the thoughts as I was having them. Worst of all were the horrible things that kept showing up in my mind, things I don't even want to call "things I thought," because I don't want to claim ownership of them in any way. Terrifying, grotesque things - leering faces whose lips slowly melt away as they scream in horror. Other horrible things I don't even want to write out.

I have to think this is just pent-up anxiety about the last few weeks working its way out of my head. It has to be - it has to be. I can't be going crazy; I don't have the time.

I feel calmer now. Still afraid to sleep, though. Kind of sad, as sleeping is one of my favorite activities...or it was, anyway.
ella_menno: (every saint)
BECAUSE I am aware that lying (laying?) around will not get me out of my sad, gloomy mood, I have taken it upon myself to take a shower and get dressed, and NOT go back to bed, pull the covers over my head, and try to sleep.

I am almost kind of proud of myself for doing so.

Now all I have to do is stop looking at random internet things, feed the children some lunch, do schoolwork with them, and find some non-television method of entertaining them until dinnertime.

After dinner is easier, because we can use that time for baths/showers, reading, and bedtime preparations. Seriously, if I don't rush them, bathing can take, like, two hours between the three of them.

I don't feel like leaving the house, even though I am clean, so that's out for an "afternoon entertainment" option. Maybe they could play in the yard? Is it nice outside? It's sunny, at least.

Gah. Am I really this boring? Really?? Yeesh.

Is it lame if I make a scrapbook devoted entirely to my dog? 'Cause I'm kinda thinking I might do that. Mostly because I already ordered the pictures and bought the scrapbook. Which, I guess, means I'm doing it even if it is lame.

If M and A don't stop fighting with one another today, I'm going to tear out my hair. No, not really, I won't do that, as I'm far too vain about my hair. Plus I'm not sure I'd make a cute bald chick. Maybe instead I will have them sit in separate corners but facing one another and tell them to be completely silent while they do so. That would be sadistic entertaining.

Methinks the smallest child needs a nap, as she was up late-ish last night. But if she takes a nap then she'll be up until ten o'clock if not later tonight, and I'm not sure I want to deal with that. I need to figure out what I want to deal with less.

Wow. Boring. Yes.
ella_menno: (strange girls)
More of my seemingly endless quest to figure out who I am and what I believe, this time in chunky list form.

I don't feel quite right sending this out into the world without noting that all opinions herein are just that - opinions. Don't be surprised if you find sentences that seem to contradict other sentences. I'm trying to figure all this stuff out myself.


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REETCHICK or, the intersection of fandom, sex, motherhood, marriage, homeschooling, and idiosyncrasies.

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I don’t know who I am. I’m not sure I’ll ever know who I am.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I think I’m starting to know who I want to be.


Follow the link to download “Living Prayer” by Alison Krause and Union Station:


quote in subject line from Richard Bach


ella_menno: (Default)

December 2011

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