ella_menno (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ella_menno) wrote2006-04-03 02:12 am
ella_menno) wrote2006-04-03 02:12 am
sleep issues
Last night, I had a nightmare; I think it was about my husband. I woke up, shook it off, and went back to sleep.
And had another nightmare, this time about my mom. Woke, shook, slept (lather, rinse, repeat?) - this time, it was about the kids.
The next one involved my sister.
And then a couple of friends.
Et cetera.
Tonight, I settled into bed at 10 PM. Within ten minutes, my pulse was racing, I was sweating, I felt queasy, and my brain was working so fast I could hardly process the thoughts as I was having them. Worst of all were the horrible things that kept showing up in my mind, things I don't even want to call "things I thought," because I don't want to claim ownership of them in any way. Terrifying, grotesque things - leering faces whose lips slowly melt away as they scream in horror. Other horrible things I don't even want to write out.
I have to think this is just pent-up anxiety about the last few weeks working its way out of my head. It has to be - it has to be. I can't be going crazy; I don't have the time.
I feel calmer now. Still afraid to sleep, though. Kind of sad, as sleeping is one of my favorite activities...or it was, anyway.
And had another nightmare, this time about my mom. Woke, shook, slept (lather, rinse, repeat?) - this time, it was about the kids.
The next one involved my sister.
And then a couple of friends.
Et cetera.
Tonight, I settled into bed at 10 PM. Within ten minutes, my pulse was racing, I was sweating, I felt queasy, and my brain was working so fast I could hardly process the thoughts as I was having them. Worst of all were the horrible things that kept showing up in my mind, things I don't even want to call "things I thought," because I don't want to claim ownership of them in any way. Terrifying, grotesque things - leering faces whose lips slowly melt away as they scream in horror. Other horrible things I don't even want to write out.
I have to think this is just pent-up anxiety about the last few weeks working its way out of my head. It has to be - it has to be. I can't be going crazy; I don't have the time.
I feel calmer now. Still afraid to sleep, though. Kind of sad, as sleeping is one of my favorite activities...or it was, anyway.