OMG YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS.

You know who would make the BEST best friends? DR. REID OLIVER and HAN SOLO, that's who.

The quippiness would reach epic levels.


Crazy shit like this is why nobody talks to me anymore, isn't it.

I’m a little concerned about those select few persons who call themselves "shocked" that Dumbledore was gay all along.  This brings me great concern for the literacy and ability to read for content of the general public.  Let's go through some of the text:

Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive.  He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt.  He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots.  His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice.  This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.

JKR introduces us to the character by telling us that "nothing like [him] had ever been seen on Privet Drive."  Privet Drive, as we all know, is a symbol of conventional (i.e. heterosexual) Muggle suburbia - a place to which we’re explicitly told that Albus Dumbledore is foreign.  It’s apparent that his magical ability is one of the reasons he is so alien to this landscape; however, it isn’t too much of a stretch to see that there may well be other reasons.


The next sentence tells us that the Headmaster's hair and beard are both exceptionally long.  As found on gay.com:  “In the late ‘60’s and ‘70’s¹, when modern gay radicalism was born, long hair spoke of nonconformism, sensuality, and a challenge to rigid gender norms.”  Aha!  Another clue for those careful students of the text. 


Up next, we discover what the Professor wore on his outing – er, excuse me – his excursion to Privet Drive.  Certainly robes and cloaks are standard attire in the wizarding world, so there are no clues to the wearer’s sexual orientation there.  However – of all the many colors, what hue does our Headmaster choose?  That’s right:  purple – just like the famous gay icon Tinky Winky.  Not only is Dumbledore’s cloak purple, but it “sweeps the ground.”  An interesting word choice, is it not?  Exchange the “eeps” for “ishes,” and our esteemed Professor fairly prances atop the pavement.²


And what is on those prancing feet?  “High-heeled, buckled boots.”  Honestly, at this point, I have to wonder who among JKR’s readers was still under the impression that Dumbles was straight. 


The paragraph ends by telling us that Dumbledore’s nose appeared to have been “broken at least twice.”   We see other injuries in the text, most of which are mended in a trice by Madam Pomfrey or other medi-magical personnel.  Why would these injuries of Dumbledore’s still be noticeable?  Could they, perhaps, be the remnants of some homophobic Dark Wizard’s Hate Curse? 


Mind you, all this information comes from only one paragraph early on in the first book.  I’m sure that there are many other clues scattered throughout all seven books, readily available for anyone with a modicum of talent at reading comprehension.


Notes

1.  Though the quoted article almost certainly refers to the sixties and seventies which occurred in the 1900's, one would not be remiss in wondering how tolerant the 1860's and 70's were, given that Dumbledore's canonical age indicates he was running around Europe in that time period.


2.  For more semi-canonical insights on "swishing," please see Ralph Fiennes' performance as Voldemort in 2005's "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire." ( click for visual aid )

1. Dear Lady Ahead of Me In Line At the Bank, With Whom I Had the Beginning of a Pleasant Bit of Conversation:

I need to tell you that we’re finally getting around to putting in our lawn. I also need to tell you that we’ve hired a landscape service to do the actual work for us.

Another thing I’d like you to be aware of is that I feel kind of weird, kind of “desperate housewives-ish” if I talk about our landscaper or our yard service, so I try not to phrase it that way.

One last thing to mention? This particular lawn service offers a significant discount if you pay in cash.

Because when you and I were talking, and my 7 year old came up to me and said “why are we stopping at the bank, Mom?”

I think, judging by the look on your face and the way you almost tripped over yourself, you may have gotten the wrong idea when I told him that “mommy has to pay the guy in cash for the grass he delivered to her and daddy.”

*sigh*

Soberly yours,

Me

---

2. Dear Author of Fan fiction Story I Was Engrossed In For Quite Some Time:

Hi. I like your plot, and your execution is really good, as well.

That being said, I do want to advise you that spell-check does not replace a good beta.

Because describing your OFC is so tiny and petite that she only comes up to Jared Padalecki’s naval? Well. I don’t think that was exactly what you were going with that sentence.

Just a friendly bit of advice!

Kisses,

Me

---

3. Dear Brain:

Yes, I know that you and I have Issues when it comes to reading RPS.

However. I’m not sure what you’re trying to prove by substituting images of Harry Hamlin in for Jared Padalecki while I'm reading.

I spoke with Stomach earlier, and he’s giving some thought to throwing the entire digestive system in reverse if you pull that crap again.

I’m just saying.

Fondly,

Me

(P.S. Don't you even think about substituting anyone for Jensen Ackles, do you hear me? Three words: Hell. To. Pay.)

---

4. Dear Elephants:

The kids and I are going to the zoo tomorrow, so the odds are that we’ll be seeing you at some point during the day.

So if you could have some pity on me – the way you most certainly did not, the last time we saw you – and not stand around, taking it in turns to shove your trunks up one another’s butts? I’d be greatly appreciative, is all I’m saying.

Thanks!

Chastely,

Me

...but I saw this and it cracked me up.


from the article: To publicize their current mission, the Department of Evil distributed to media outlets a ring-bound portfolio titled "You Shall All Perish Screaming 2007," which provides estimates and logistics detailing how everyone will die, a line-by-line budget breakdown, and an addendum apologizing that the document was not printed in human blood. The full text is available at evil.gov.

So we have our answer as to why the YED is putting his plan into action now: the government mandated it. *nods*

Remember the other day, when I was whining about bewailing the fact that I couldn't find SPN 2.09 'Croatoan' anywhere online, and that I v.v. much wanted to watch it?

Weh-heh-heh-HELL! Guess what episode our local CW affiliate is re-airing tonight?

That's right: CROATOAN. *cackles with glee*




If you need me, I'll be over here, whining about bewailing the fact that I have no naked pictures of JA...

...yet.

Heh.

[Poll #729508]

P.S. rhiannon_jehane - are you going to be around later tonight?

There is nothing quite like the satisfaction of digging through the margins of the internet to find something that you know has to be out there somewhere, and finally - finally! - finding it.

I have the song from "The Sopranos" soundtrack (or one of them, anyway; I'm sure there's not just the one) and it's beautiful, it's gorgeous, it's heartbreaking...but (until tonight!), I had no idea what it was about. But, now that I do, let me preserve it for posterity.

Sposa Son Disprezzata

Sposa son disprezzata,
fida son oltraggata,
cieli che feci mai?

E pur egl'è il mio cor
il mio sposo, il mio amor,
la mia speranza.

L'amo ma egl'è infedel
spero ma egl'è crudel,
morir mi lascierai?

O Dio manca il valor
valor e la costanza.



Husband, I am scorned,
believe me: I am outraged,
heavens, what have I done?

And yet he is my heart,
my husband, my love,
my hope.

I love him, but he is unfaithful,
I hope, but he is cruel,
will he let me die?

O God, valor is missing -
valor and constancy.


Wow. And ow. Sometimes I forget how much I like opera (especially when I'm in an overly dramatic mood.) (So, um, most of the time.)

Mission accomplished!

*blinks*

Yeah. One of these days I'll make a post that's interesting to someone other than myself. Promise. *g*

As part of today's lesson, we discussed Lent (which, for those of you who don't know, begins this week.) I explained the concepts of "prayer, sacrifice, and service" in a way which (I hope!) made sense to the Small and Young; they cottoned on to the 'sacrifice something you enjoy' pretty quickly.

The middle child - the one we've long joked has had a calling to the priesthood - immediately said he'd be giving up "things with sugar in them." (I told him that was rather a tall order for a six-year-old, so we're working on a compromise.) The oldest, a/k/a King of Drama, said that he would give up dessert, playing with Legos, and all computer-related activity. He, too, got persuaded into something a bit more reasonable.

Then they went on their merry ways, and I realized that I don't know what I'm going to give up for Lent. Hmph! I'm fond of the idea that what you give up doesn't have to be a material thing - you can give up a bad habit, for example.

One year, I gave up being sarcastic for Lent (or I tried to, anyway.) I've given up "yelling at the children" during a few of the past Lenten seasons - which tends to go better than I think it will, and definitely increases the amount of time I spend in prayer! (It also increases the amount of time I spend with my tongue clenched between my teeth, but there you go.)

The other thing about Lent, at least in my house, is that my husband was, is, and will always be inclined to competition. Allow me to illustrate. The year I gave up chocolate, he gave up dessert. The year I gave up dessert, he gave up all sweets. The year I gave up dessert (what, you thought I'd give up all sweets? Pshaw!), he gave up all sweets and alcohol. The year I gave up caffeine, he gave up dessert, alchohol, and caffeine. I know that that's just the way he is - he's not competing with me as much as he is trying to best himself - but it can be, well. Let's call it "challenging."

And just to make things more interesting, nearly his entire family is the same way, and we've traditionally spent Easter with them. As you might've guessed, this means that I get to spend the days leading up to Easter listening to all of them bewailing the miseries they've suffered throughout the season.

I have to admit that there's a part of me that would like to give up something so huge, so major, so un-give-up-able, that they'd all be astounded at my ability to sacrifice.

It'd go something like this:

BROTHER-IN-LAW: Wow, it's Thursday. Only three more days! I can't wait to get my hands on that Easter candy - did I mention I gave up candy for Lent?

HUSBAND: Yeah, well, I gave up candy for Lent once - it wasn't that bad. This year, though, I gave up candy AND coffee AND alcohol. I can't decide if I'm going to have coffee or a beer when we get back from mass.

FATHER-IN-LAW: Oh yeah? I'll just be happy to have a small cup of milk once we get back, since I gave up all beverages with flavor for Lent!

ME: *holds up sign* So? This year, I gave up OXYGEN. I haven't inhaled since ASH WEDNESDAY!

(And yes, I am aware that this attitude is definitely not in the spirit of things!)

---

Oh, yeah. You knew it was coming.


[Poll #681276]

So, I'm over at Mugglenet.com reading an article on potential endings of the seventh book, when I run across this sentence:

It seems unfair that Harry's soul could be damaged just because Voldemort's crazy enough to tear his own into murderous confetti. -

and the first thing that pops into my mind is, "Wow! 'Murderous Confetti' would be a GREAT name for a band!"

*shakes head*

I don't know who or what to blame this on, but of late, I've been pondering which Houses certain non-Potterverse magical folk would've been Sorted into.

Take, for example, Cinderella's fairy godmother - surely a Hufflepuff if ever there was one.

How about Mxyzptlk? (Yeah, yeah, I know; alternate dimension. Work with me, here.) My instinct is to say Slytherin, but I have to wonder if, perhaps, Ravenclaw is more his style.

Then there's the Wicked Witch of the West (or Elphaba, if you prefer. *g*) The "wicked" title pegs her as Slytherin, but she's certainly got the brains to be Ravenclaw. And I'm sure there's a good argument to be made for Elphie-as-Gryffindor, too.

How about the unnamed magical person who put the spell on the young and spoiled prince in "Beauty and the Beast"? Her actions certainly smack of self-righteousness to me - not to mention a bit of "I'll-show-you" - points which, much as I hate to admit it, make me think Gryffindor. (But probably, like, a fifth-year student. You know how challenging that fifth year can be, after all; who can blame her for being a bit hasty with the hexing?)

You know who's really got me stumped? Count von Count, of Sesame Street fame. Sure, he's got the whole bats and dungeon thing going on, but he sincerely wants to help little kids learn their numbers - even little Muggle kids. What do we do with him?

And don't get me started on the White Witch. Always winter but never Christmas? Surrounded by her sleigh full of furs? Tall and physically imposing?

Obviously, she went to Durmstrang.