ella_menno

1. Dear Lady Ahead of Me In Line At the Bank, With Whom I Had the Beginning of a Pleasant Bit of Conversation:

I need to tell you that we’re finally getting around to putting in our lawn. I also need to tell you that we’ve hired a landscape service to do the actual work for us.

Another thing I’d like you to be aware of is that I feel kind of weird, kind of “desperate housewives-ish” if I talk about our landscaper or our yard service, so I try not to phrase it that way.

One last thing to mention? This particular lawn service offers a significant discount if you pay in cash.

Because when you and I were talking, and my 7 year old came up to me and said “why are we stopping at the bank, Mom?”

I think, judging by the look on your face and the way you almost tripped over yourself, you may have gotten the wrong idea when I told him that “mommy has to pay the guy in cash for the grass he delivered to her and daddy.”

*sigh*

Soberly yours,

Me

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2. Dear Author of Fan fiction Story I Was Engrossed In For Quite Some Time:

Hi. I like your plot, and your execution is really good, as well.

That being said, I do want to advise you that spell-check does not replace a good beta.

Because describing your OFC is so tiny and petite that she only comes up to Jared Padalecki’s naval? Well. I don’t think that was exactly what you were going with that sentence.

Just a friendly bit of advice!

Kisses,

Me

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3. Dear Brain:

Yes, I know that you and I have Issues when it comes to reading RPS.

However. I’m not sure what you’re trying to prove by substituting images of Harry Hamlin in for Jared Padalecki while I'm reading.

I spoke with Stomach earlier, and he’s giving some thought to throwing the entire digestive system in reverse if you pull that crap again.

I’m just saying.

Fondly,

Me

(P.S. Don't you even think about substituting anyone for Jensen Ackles, do you hear me? Three words: Hell. To. Pay.)

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4. Dear Elephants:

The kids and I are going to the zoo tomorrow, so the odds are that we’ll be seeing you at some point during the day.

So if you could have some pity on me – the way you most certainly did not, the last time we saw you – and not stand around, taking it in turns to shove your trunks up one another’s butts? I’d be greatly appreciative, is all I’m saying.

Thanks!

Chastely,

Me