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to homeschool, or not to homeschool....
Feb. 22nd, 2007 12:29 pmMan, do I love my new layout.
I'm so confused. I hate making decisions, and the bigger they are, the more difficult it is (of course) and the more I hate deciding. Having to make a decision. Whatever.
Here's the thing...I'm seriously considering sending the kids to school next year. Not public schools, mind you - AFAIC, that'll *never* happen - but our parish's grade school.
I know that in order to make this - any - decision, I should make the old "pros and cons" list. Just thinking about said list is practically overwhelming in itself; I think I'd have to make one list for "my own personal pros and cons," and one for "what's best for the kids," and then three separate ones for each individual child.
Because my feelings on homeschooling haven't changed - I still feel like the one-on-one attention is the best way to learn; I still want them to be independent thinkers; and I still want our family and God to be the most important things in their lives. I want them to learn how to learn - isn't that the most valuable academic-type knowledge a person can have, anyway?
But we toured the school earlier this month. I'm sure I'd have had these doubts anyway, but now there's a physical option, a place they could go that I've seen, and that kind of makes it more real to me.
It's a great school; the student/teacher ratio is 10-1, it's not rote, textbook drill-and-dump, creativity is encouraged, the teachers are personable (and weren't freaked out by the fact we homeschool), and there's plenty of moving around - in other words, the boys wouldn't be stuck immobile at desks for seven hours.
But. But. Is that *better*? And if it is, who's it better *for*? The priority ought to be the kids, and doing what's best for them. Is it best for them to stay at home and learn? Are they learning enough? Am I giving them enough opportunities to do things, to experience life? Or is this a hideaway that I'm alllowing them to cling to?
Of course, the other thing that's all tied up in this is my ever-present concern for "but what will everyone think?" I try to ignore it, or to set it aside, but it's so damned hard for me. If we give up on homeschooling (because I feel like that's what it would be: giving up), what will my family think? That I'm a quitter? That I stopped believing in it? That I don't like my kids as much as I once did? That I'm the same type of suburban mom that's so prevalent - the kind of woman who thinks of her kids as some bizarre cross between pets and accessories? What about casual acquaintances - how will their opinions change? Hell, I'm posting this to my personal LJ and not any of my homeschooling comms because I'm afraid at least one member would rip me a new one for even considering stopping.
And it doesn't help that I'm convinced the reason I care so much about the way others percieve me is because I went to "regular school," either!
I don't know what I want, and what I want seems to change from day to day. Hour to hour, sometimes. The Oldest says he wants to homeschool next year, but I wonder how much of that is him not wanting to hurt my feelings. The Middle one wants to go to "real school," but of the three, he's the only one with zero regular school experience. The YOungest, of course, wants to go where the most toys are - but at the same time, she misses me after her twice-weekly three-hour sessions of preschool.
I don't know what to do. (Aside from making the damn lists, of course.) I hate making decisions. Once again, I wish I could time-travel ahead a few years and ask myself what the correct thing to do is.
I'm so confused. I hate making decisions, and the bigger they are, the more difficult it is (of course) and the more I hate deciding. Having to make a decision. Whatever.
Here's the thing...I'm seriously considering sending the kids to school next year. Not public schools, mind you - AFAIC, that'll *never* happen - but our parish's grade school.
I know that in order to make this - any - decision, I should make the old "pros and cons" list. Just thinking about said list is practically overwhelming in itself; I think I'd have to make one list for "my own personal pros and cons," and one for "what's best for the kids," and then three separate ones for each individual child.
Because my feelings on homeschooling haven't changed - I still feel like the one-on-one attention is the best way to learn; I still want them to be independent thinkers; and I still want our family and God to be the most important things in their lives. I want them to learn how to learn - isn't that the most valuable academic-type knowledge a person can have, anyway?
But we toured the school earlier this month. I'm sure I'd have had these doubts anyway, but now there's a physical option, a place they could go that I've seen, and that kind of makes it more real to me.
It's a great school; the student/teacher ratio is 10-1, it's not rote, textbook drill-and-dump, creativity is encouraged, the teachers are personable (and weren't freaked out by the fact we homeschool), and there's plenty of moving around - in other words, the boys wouldn't be stuck immobile at desks for seven hours.
But. But. Is that *better*? And if it is, who's it better *for*? The priority ought to be the kids, and doing what's best for them. Is it best for them to stay at home and learn? Are they learning enough? Am I giving them enough opportunities to do things, to experience life? Or is this a hideaway that I'm alllowing them to cling to?
Of course, the other thing that's all tied up in this is my ever-present concern for "but what will everyone think?" I try to ignore it, or to set it aside, but it's so damned hard for me. If we give up on homeschooling (because I feel like that's what it would be: giving up), what will my family think? That I'm a quitter? That I stopped believing in it? That I don't like my kids as much as I once did? That I'm the same type of suburban mom that's so prevalent - the kind of woman who thinks of her kids as some bizarre cross between pets and accessories? What about casual acquaintances - how will their opinions change? Hell, I'm posting this to my personal LJ and not any of my homeschooling comms because I'm afraid at least one member would rip me a new one for even considering stopping.
And it doesn't help that I'm convinced the reason I care so much about the way others percieve me is because I went to "regular school," either!
I don't know what I want, and what I want seems to change from day to day. Hour to hour, sometimes. The Oldest says he wants to homeschool next year, but I wonder how much of that is him not wanting to hurt my feelings. The Middle one wants to go to "real school," but of the three, he's the only one with zero regular school experience. The YOungest, of course, wants to go where the most toys are - but at the same time, she misses me after her twice-weekly three-hour sessions of preschool.
I don't know what to do. (Aside from making the damn lists, of course.) I hate making decisions. Once again, I wish I could time-travel ahead a few years and ask myself what the correct thing to do is.
