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ella_mennoBecause I've dithered over this long enough.
Title: 20 Random Things the Basilisk Would Prefer No One Else Knew, circa 1992
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jenowago
Character(s): The Basilisk; brief mentions of other characters
Rating: G
Summary: Twenty facts about Hogwarts’ most famous snake.
Warning(s): It’s entirely possible I did too much research into snakes before writing. It’s also entirely possible that this is what they call “crack fic.”
Disclaimer: The Basilisk and all other Harry Potter characters and locations belong to JKR. I use them only in fun.
Author's Notes:
A)Written as part of The Harry Potter Random Facts Fest, which you should go and look over right now, if you haven't already done so.
B) Bonus point to the first person to catch the Lockhart allusion.
C) Feedback is appreciated, adored, and always acknowledged.
Twenty Random Things the Basilisk Would Never Admit to Anyone, circa 1992
1. The Basilisk’s given name is Maurice. (Well…if one needs to be exact about such things, his given name is 'Ssssssssshthshhssss.' However, a rough translation into English gives you 'Maurice.')
2. The Basilisk always thinks of himself in the third person while wandering the hallways of the school. Being “followed by Maurice” is not half as terrifying as being “hunted by The Basilisk.”
3. Contrary to what one might expect, the Basilisk is actually much crankier the day or two before he sheds his skin than on the actual shedding day.
4. The Basilisk is, frankly, thrilled that spiders flee before him. Legs are a repulsive appendage to begin with, and there ought to be a limit on how many of them any single creature is allowed.
5. The Riddle kid – you know, He-Who-Hardly-Ever-Comes-To-Visit, or whatever he’s calling himself these days – has a bit of a speech impediment in Parseltongue.
6. The Basilisk wouldn’t dream of mentioning it to him. It costs nothing to be polite, you know.
7. The Basilisk gets a wicked buzz off the fumes from Sleekeazy’s line of Hair Potions.
8. The Basilisk did not know, prior to 1943, that ghosts are free to remain in the location of their deaths for as long as they like.
9. If the Basilisk had been aware of this information, the Basilisk would have seriously considered allowing Myrtle to live.
10. The Basilisk has made a new friend over the past year. In addition to being a fine conversationalist, Trevor has offered the Basilisk some valuable insights into his birth father’s psyche.
11. The Basilisk feels that using the castle’s pipes and plumbing is by far the optimal method for travel…
12. …except, of course, for the day after the house elves serve their Special Bean Dish.
13. The Basilisk never planned to try out for the “Horror in the Chamber” gig ; matter of fact, the Basilisk was only at the auditions to keep a friend company.
14. The Basilisk has always been slightly envious of snakes that have a rattle on the end of their tails.
15. The Basilisk has, on the other fang, always been grateful he wasn’t born a constrictor. (The Basilisk’s gag reflex is dreadfully sensitive.)
16. The Basilisk does not care for the flavor of adolescent humans. This is the one and only reason the Basilisk does not consume his victims, regardless of what certain other large, squishy inhabitants of the Hogwarts grounds have to say about the Basilisk’s eating proclivities.
17. The Basilisk is not "fussy." It is simply an issue of flavor, and that is all there is to it.
18. The Basilisk would love to look over some vacation brochures – Brazil sounds positively delightful – but thus far, he’s been unable to successfully send off for any information. It’d be much easier if the post owls weren’t so very tasty.
19. The Basilisk spent most of 1957 with a wretched headache. This was a direct result of the Basilisk pretending to have eyelids and attempting to blink.
20. The Basilisk was surprised to realize he’s becoming fond of the skinny little redheaded kid who’s been coming around lately. Granted, she’s just a vessel for Lord Bossypants, but she does smell rather nice. That, and she gives lovely tummy rubs.
Title: 20 Random Things the Basilisk Would Prefer No One Else Knew, circa 1992
Author:
jenowagoCharacter(s): The Basilisk; brief mentions of other characters
Rating: G
Summary: Twenty facts about Hogwarts’ most famous snake.
Warning(s): It’s entirely possible I did too much research into snakes before writing. It’s also entirely possible that this is what they call “crack fic.”
Disclaimer: The Basilisk and all other Harry Potter characters and locations belong to JKR. I use them only in fun.
Author's Notes:
A)Written as part of The Harry Potter Random Facts Fest, which you should go and look over right now, if you haven't already done so.
B) Bonus point to the first person to catch the Lockhart allusion.
C) Feedback is appreciated, adored, and always acknowledged.
1. The Basilisk’s given name is Maurice. (Well…if one needs to be exact about such things, his given name is 'Ssssssssshthshhssss.' However, a rough translation into English gives you 'Maurice.')
2. The Basilisk always thinks of himself in the third person while wandering the hallways of the school. Being “followed by Maurice” is not half as terrifying as being “hunted by The Basilisk.”
3. Contrary to what one might expect, the Basilisk is actually much crankier the day or two before he sheds his skin than on the actual shedding day.
4. The Basilisk is, frankly, thrilled that spiders flee before him. Legs are a repulsive appendage to begin with, and there ought to be a limit on how many of them any single creature is allowed.
5. The Riddle kid – you know, He-Who-Hardly-Ever-Comes-To-Visit, or whatever he’s calling himself these days – has a bit of a speech impediment in Parseltongue.
6. The Basilisk wouldn’t dream of mentioning it to him. It costs nothing to be polite, you know.
7. The Basilisk gets a wicked buzz off the fumes from Sleekeazy’s line of Hair Potions.
8. The Basilisk did not know, prior to 1943, that ghosts are free to remain in the location of their deaths for as long as they like.
9. If the Basilisk had been aware of this information, the Basilisk would have seriously considered allowing Myrtle to live.
10. The Basilisk has made a new friend over the past year. In addition to being a fine conversationalist, Trevor has offered the Basilisk some valuable insights into his birth father’s psyche.
11. The Basilisk feels that using the castle’s pipes and plumbing is by far the optimal method for travel…
12. …except, of course, for the day after the house elves serve their Special Bean Dish.
13. The Basilisk never planned to try out for the “Horror in the Chamber” gig ; matter of fact, the Basilisk was only at the auditions to keep a friend company.
14. The Basilisk has always been slightly envious of snakes that have a rattle on the end of their tails.
15. The Basilisk has, on the other fang, always been grateful he wasn’t born a constrictor. (The Basilisk’s gag reflex is dreadfully sensitive.)
16. The Basilisk does not care for the flavor of adolescent humans. This is the one and only reason the Basilisk does not consume his victims, regardless of what certain other large, squishy inhabitants of the Hogwarts grounds have to say about the Basilisk’s eating proclivities.
17. The Basilisk is not "fussy." It is simply an issue of flavor, and that is all there is to it.
18. The Basilisk would love to look over some vacation brochures – Brazil sounds positively delightful – but thus far, he’s been unable to successfully send off for any information. It’d be much easier if the post owls weren’t so very tasty.
19. The Basilisk spent most of 1957 with a wretched headache. This was a direct result of the Basilisk pretending to have eyelids and attempting to blink.
20. The Basilisk was surprised to realize he’s becoming fond of the skinny little redheaded kid who’s been coming around lately. Granted, she’s just a vessel for Lord Bossypants, but she does smell rather nice. That, and she gives lovely tummy rubs.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 02:54 pm (UTC)#7 is the Lockhart allusion, right?
Seriously, snerking at work...so not good. But unpreventable.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 07:36 pm (UTC)Yep - #7 it is. I love the idea of the Basilisk hanging around in the pipes outside Gilderoy's bathroom getting stoned. (And that really sounds odd!)
Good to hear from you again; sounds like your life has been kind of crazy lately. Here's hoping things work out the way you want them to!
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-12-02 05:24 pm (UTC)This is wonderful.
10 is great, (not enought Trevor in fanon, I fear).
14 is my favourite. Poor, silent Maurice!
x
no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-03 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-04 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 03:33 pm (UTC)(And thanks for leaving a comment, too. Hope you're feeling better!)
no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-05 03:34 pm (UTC)Hee, I'm glad you enjoyed it - it was great fun to write. Thanks for commenting!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-11 05:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-02 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-02 12:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-02 04:24 pm (UTC)Thanks for commenting! :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-02 01:03 am (UTC)Fantastic job. Now I need to go reread Chamber of Secrets, just so I can think of 'Maurice' all the way through.